So, er, I wasn't actually tagged for this, so I guess it's more like thievery. BUT I can't help that Cait @ Paper Fury made it look so cute. 

A little backstory on my history with hot beverages: I hate tea! Maybe it's because I didn't grow up drinking it, but I can't get over how bitter it tastes. No matter what I do, I take a sip of tea and the taste of armpit ends up lingering in the back of my throat. Yeck. Coffee used to be the same way, but then I went to college and discovered this magical thing called creamer. I enjoy having a bit of coffee with my creamer now.

I won't deny that the writing in this is gorgeous, but for some reason I cannot make it past the fourth chapter. I've started this twice and gave up both times around the same point. Yet, most of the people I know rave about this book.

Usually it's around the holidays when people start becoming Scrooges. And what better time to whip out the ultimate Christmas classic? 

PHENOMENAL book. I've yet to read anything as creative, humorous, and educational as this.

Mostly because I had no idea what the bleep was going on. Then I reached the last fifty pages and went, "EEHHHH?" and speed read to the end.

That Hipster Coffee Shop: Give a book by an indie author a shout-out.

Oops! I accidentally got decaf: Name a book you were expecting more from.

The Perfect Blend: Name a book or series that was both bitter and sweet, but ultimately satisfying.

Green Tea: Name a book or series that’s quietly beautiful.

Chai Tea: Name a book or series that makes you dream of far-off places.

Earl Grey: Name your favorite classic.

I'll forever be in love with the story of the boy who never grew up. So in love that I might be planning a sci-fi Peter Pan retelling.

Alyssa @ The Devil Orders Take Out, Rae @ The Wallflower, and Briana @ Briana Mae Morgan

. . . and whoever else wants to join in!

"What are you?" 

"You're pretty for a black girl." 

"Can you teach me how to twerk?" 

"Can you read these Asian characters?"

"So did your parents come here illegally?" 

I hope those sounded jerky to you guys, because they're just a small taste of what marginalized folk have to deal with on a daily basis. Things like this are so commonplace that they manage to dodge the asshole-barometer because people truly think they've said nothing wrong.

In the book blogging world, I've noticed some microaggressions frequently popping up when reviewing diverse books. For example, when people say that diversity needs to be "justified:"

If you need diversity to be justified. You are saying that anyone who isn't white, cis, abled, straight, etc. Must justify their existence.

— Jeanne (@fangirlJeanne) May 19, 2015

Ouch. I know, I know, you didn't mean it that way, but that's how it honestly comes out.

Other reviews commend books for not be "issue" books, or making diverse characters relatable to the everyday reader. Some are angry that there is too much diversity and feel as though an agenda is being pushed on them. *cringe*

So I thought, how should I approach this topic for a blog post? Making a lecture-style post on how people should review seemed to be the wrong approach, and people get touchy when you tell them how to blog.

Luckily, @fangirlJeanne created two lovely hashtags #White4thesakeofWhite and #Straight4thesakeof Straight to show the ridiculousness of microaggressive attitude towards diversity.

In the spirit of the hashtag, I'm going to review some non-diverse books the same way I've seen diverse books reviewed. I kid you not, some of these examples are things I've seen, word for word.

Divergent by Veronica Roth

"I'm not racist, but it seems a little implausible to have two white leads in a futuristic Chicago."

"Diversity is great, but I did feel like the heterosexual romance was a bit contrived."

The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

"At some points, it felt like there were too many issues (c'mon, the characters were white, straight, AND middle-class???), but overall I think the author did a good job of making sure this rose above the standard issue book."

Tempest by Julie Cross

"To be honest, I felt like all of the white culture in this book was hard to relate to. The author could have toned it down a bit to make sure readers didn't get overwhelmed."

A Thousand Pieces of You by Claudia Gray

"Okay, there is not one, but THREE instances of straight romance. I'm not saying that straights don't exist, but I find it hard to believe that Marguerite is conveniently running into so many straights in this book. They don't even make up that much of the population."

Delirium by Lauren Oliver

"I think readers will be surprised to discover that this book depicts a predominantly able-bodied society. It's a little hard to take seriously, but I guess that's why it's fiction and not reality."

Cinder by Marissa Meyer

"I liked all the characters, but Cinder seemed to be the token white girl. Was there really a reason she needed to be white?"

City of Bones by Cassandra Clare

"Did this author follow the diversity checklist? I mean the character's already a white female, but then the author had to add that she was heterosexual, her best friend is a white guy, and she's in love with this another white guy? Yes, diversity is good, but you're telling me that there is only one gay couple in all of New York? Please."

Landline by Rainbow Rowell

Twitter-sized sass:

• Are we microaggressive in our book reviews? @AnahSpiers creates sassy reviews to find out http://bit.ly/1Fbft2b (click to tweet)

First sentence: The screw through Cinder's ankle had rusted, the engraved cross marks worn to a mangled circle.

This book came with glowing recommendations from just about everyone I knew. So if my expectations were a little unrealistic going into it, blame them. 

Sigh. I really wanted to like Cinder. I really did. Cinder is like that awkward, annoying kid in class you want to be friends with, to prove you're a good person, but you end up hating them anyway and joining the masses. Okay, maybe not that extreme, because I don't hate Cinder. There's just a lot I dislike.  

It'll be easier to just start off with what I did like. First, the premise. How frequently do you come across a futuristic cyborg Cinderella story set in New Beijing? I mean, what kind of badass motherfucker comes up with this stuff? Not me with my uncool futuristic psycho Cinderella short story set in Japan. Kudos to the author for coming up with such an original idea. That's eventually what got me to read it, besides the endless praise.

The concept of the Lunars was awesome, too. I was curious about them for the entire book. When did humans achieve commercial space flight? When did they build the colony? What kind of bad juju did the colonists smoke to get magical powers? Are there other colonies, or did humanity learn it's lesson about the dangers of space colonization from the Lunars. The fact that they evolved to be different from the humans implies that this story is set way further into the future then I initially thought, because evolution doesn't just happen overnight. Unless it did, then I'm side-eyeing this story even more.

Character wise, Iko the android was probably my favorite, along with the sketchy Dr. Erland. Due to a "malfunctioning" personality chip, Iko was the funny, sarcastic best friend you usually expect to find in YA novels, but the fact that she was an android made it all the much sweeter. I was genuinely upset when I found out what happened to her. As for Dr. Erland, I liked him right away, even if his true origins were completely predictable. I thought it was hilarious how we're first introduced to him, his assistant implies that he's a pervy old man only after teenage girls.

And I guess Cinder herself wasn't too bad. She isn't the most memorable protagonist out there, but there's nothing to hate about her, either. She's just kind of there.

The last 1/4 of the book was pretty good. It didn't make up for the other 3/4, but it made me not give the book two stars.

. . .now for the parts I dislike.

1. Predictable plot is predictable.

Here's the thing with retellings: Pretty much everyone knows how it's going to go, even with all the unique twists an turns you throw in. That's why it's such a challenge to try and capture the true essence of the tale, yet not bore your readers with a typical run-of-the-mill story. I get that. But there's no reason for the plot to be so freaking obvious within the first fifty pages, unless it's intentional. As soon I was given my little exposition about the Lunars and Queen Levana, I knew how the book would go, and I desperately hoped I was wrong. There was nothing wrong with it, but it was so typical.

There's sprinkling in some foreshadowing, then there's slathering it on so thick I'm drowning in it. There's a clever way to do these big reveals if the reader is suppose to be in on it. We see it all the time in TV shows, where the audience is allowed to sit in God's chair and watch everything that happens, but I think it's harder to pull off in books. A lot of the time, unless it's outright stated or implied that we're suppose to be in on the secret, readers are going to assume the author thinks they're stupid. Or the main character is stupid. Either way, it leaves angry readers.

But I actually read somewhere that Meyer wished she could have changed it so that it was more obvious to the reader that we were suppose to be in on the secret, so I'm going too reign in my angry thoughts and just say that it was first timers mistake and actually applaud her for attempting to pull it off.

2. What's up with the (lack of) worldbuilding?

I really dislike this trend in YA series where the first book is pretty much zero worldbuilding. Like, how are we suppose to imagine if there's nothing there? Throw us a bone, would ya?

The story takes place in New Beijing (the old one got destroyed). Maybe I'm wrong, but this is somewhere in China, right? This isn't New Beijing in Texas, or New Beijing in France, right? So why is there pretty much zero Chinese culture in the book? Oh there's dumplings, statues of Buddha, and vague sounding Asian names, but that's about it. I understand that New Beijing is suppose to be a melting pot of cultures, but that seems like such a cop out. Just because cultures mix together doesn't mean the original one has to be erased. For the most part, New Beijing is completely western, with a sprinkling of Chinese culture for the tourists readers.

I guess I'm a little miffed because I've seen this book being shown as an example of diversity, when I don't see any? The Chinese setting is vague as frack and everything else is westernized. I thought Cinder would be Chinese, but nah. She a white girl.

SPOILERS

Yeah, I know, Lunars are pale-skinned and white, so Cinder should be white, but again, copout. By the way, is there any scientific explanation for why Lunars are only white because I think I missed that? Did only white people travel to the moon? I actually wouldn't even be surprised if that were true. Cinder being white doesn't make me hate the book, it just makes me sad about the missed opportunity.

END OF SPOILERS

3. Why does everyone hate cyborgs?

What would a YA book be if the main character didn't struggle against some kind of discrimination or persecution, whether real or imagined? In Cinder's case, I really didn't understand the hatred of cyborgs. If we put them in todays context, they're just people with prosthetic limbs. No one hates people with prosthetic limbs. Unless you're a dick.

Or basically anyone who has gotten something "unnatural" put in their body to help them live better. We don't view this as wrong, but a miracle. A testament to the growth of human science. So how is it that in Cinder's future, this technological miracle is looked down upon? These "cyborgs" are literally given not only a chance for a new life, but an upgrade in it as well. They owe their doctors for being skilled enough to pull of the surgery, but they don't owe society their lives. What kind of fail logic?

And from what we've seen of Cinder, she's human. She has human thoughts, human feelings, human fears. But because she can't express them, she's just a machine. There are people today with mental disabilities who can't express themselves well, and we do not look down on them. I'm struggling to come up with some reason for why society has regressed so much socially when history shows that we mostly keep improving?

4. What the hell is Cinder?

Cinder is 32% human. What exactly does that mean? Just how much improvements has she had? What is this societies definition of human? If you get a mechanical pinky, do you qualify as a cyborg?

I don't know if the 32% refers to the brain, the nervous system or what. If it just references her limbs and the other "upgrades" she's had, then it seems to me that she's still 100% human. Again, we don't see people with prosthetic limbs as only 95% human or whatever.

Maybe it's because I'm a skimmer, but the descriptions of Cinder are super vague. I don't what part of her is real  and what isn't. At first I just thought it was her hands and foot, but at the end, it's revealed they couldn't save her limbs. In that case, why does she even have a detachable foot? Why not build it so it was attached to her leg?

5. Prince Kai is a tool

I tried to like Kai, but he's so boring. Sure, he has the whole, "My father died and I'm ill-prepared for the throne" struggle going on, but other than that he's pretty flat. His interactions with Cinder are pretty bland, so I'm assuming Cinder likes him because he's totes hot and rich. All of his chapters are centered around politics so we never really learn anything about him besides the fact he's the Commonwealth's #1 bachelor.

6. Marketed as Young Adult, feels like Middle Grade

I have nothing against MG. In fact, I love reading it. But when I pick up a book that's marketed as YA, I expect it to be YA. No ifs, ands, or buts. The writing and plot feels like it should be targeting the 12-14 range. If this was MG I would be much more forgiving and probably enjoy this book more, but since it's YA I expect a little bit more substance.

Despite my rants, Cinder was nowhere near the worst book ever. It did have some enjoyable factors, and from the little preview of Scarlet I got at the end, the sequel sounds much better.

Verdict

I wasn't 100% into Levi as a love interest, but in the end I realized that it didn't matter if I liked Levi or thought he was perfect. What mattered was that he was perfect for Cath and he got her. He never put her down or made her feel ashamed for liking fanfiction. Plus, he joined her emergency Kanye dance party.

No one throws it down like Yeezus.

The other characters were great, but props to roomie Reagan for putting up with Cath's shit for a year. Sometimes, it's not great dealing with people with social anxiety. It's easy to want to give up, but Reagan stuck with it and proved to be a great friend.

I would have preferred a little less Simon Snow excerpts. I have nothing against excerpts in general but the problem here was that they weren't even good. Gemma T. Leslie's writing was cringeworthy, and Cath wasn't much better, which made it confusing when everyone was touting Cath up to be some sort of writing God. There was really no need for pages and pages of Cath reading fanficiton to Levi, especially when it added nothing to the story except for word count. 

The ending left me frustrated because it ended so suddenly, but I don't know how else I would have had it end. There were a few plotlines that hadn't been wrapped up (the Mom for one), but the book was already pushing 400 pages, and I think it would feel ingenuine to have another fifty pages about how Cath's life suddenly became awesome and all of the drama went away.

I know it seems like I complained a lot in this review, but trust me, I loved this book. The subject is relatable, the writing style is engaging, and Rowell manages to write about real people who are flawed. Recommended for anyone who has ever fangirled over anything in their life. 

P.S. has anyone read the excerpt of Carry On that was at the end of the Exclusive Collector's edition? I don't know if I should be excited or scared because the writing was not the best.

 

First Line: I wake up.

 

First Line: Five years later, Ewan Mao sort of, kind of, accidentally became evil. 

A Hero at the End of the World is the Harry Potter ending we really deserved. Not that sugary, "All was well," stuff J.K. Rowling tried to feed us. AHEW (I'm not going to apologize for that acronym) is the version of Harry Potter where Ron (or Neville) killed Voldemort instead, and Harry faded into jealous obscurity.

AHEW is about these idiots + Sophie who accidentally bring about the end of the world. There's Ewan Mao, our obvious Harry Potter replica, who kind of failed at being the chosen one and now works in a rundown coffee shop that sells crappy drinks. Oliver, a stand in for Ron (but you can also imagine Neville), who steals Ewan's chosen one status at the last minute and becomes a huge douche canoe. Archibald Gardner Hobbes (call him Archie), our substitute Draco, who's a part of a magical cult that sounds suspiciously like Scientology. And finally, Sophie, who is Hermione, but a lot sassier.

The characters are really what made this book. Not to say that the plot sucked, but I think it was overshadowed by Claiborne's witty and humorous characters. I loved the fact that Ewan, our sarcastic narrator, was a loser. Not a fake loser who just needs to believe in himself, but an actual loser. Ewan sucks at everything from magic to school to people to life. The bloke's a bit pathetic really. But instead of coming across as irritating, I actually came to care for the niffler. I loved his periodic worries about being tempted by evil:

"Wait one bloody minute," said Ewan. He snatched his hand back. "Are you evil?"
"I'm not drinking evil beer," Ewan protested. He looked at the glass for a moment. "Well, maybe half."

I liked Oliver less, but, as I said before, douche canoe. I almost lost control of my eyes due to the number of times they rolled in my head during his sections.

Archie was another one of my favorites. He's good-looking and spoiled rotten, and he knows it. As someone who used to be deep into the HP fanfic community, Archie is fanon Draco to a T, without the leather pants.

"Of course I don't pay taxes, I'm rich," Archie sniffed.

His crush on Ewan was adorable, and I loved their interactions. Although they were both crushing on each other, Ewan was largely oblivious to Archie's feelings, which made for many comical scenes. I love that their relationship was portrayed as natural, and that there weren't any hangups on them being gay.

The overall diversity in this story was great. A fantasy story where neither of the leads are white and a homosexual pairing is the main relationship of the book? Hell yeah.



Of course, I did have a few issues with the book, mainly the writing. It wasn't horrible, but I definitely think it needed to go through one final round of editing, preferably from a different editor, because I found many typos and mistakes throughout the story. Nothing too bad, but some of them were confusing upon first glance, until you realized that "his" was supposed to be "is." Also, holy dialogue tag! If you noticed from some of the lines I posted, there are tons of dialogue tag like, sniffed, proclaimed, snapped, protested, declared, replied, etc. A lot of the dialogue is followed by non-speaking verbs instead of proper tags. For example, "Alright," he winked." Maybe it's just me, but I get upset when I see things like this, but other readers will probably not be bothered.

Much of the book hinges on the assumption that you've read Harry Potter before, but I think it could still be enjoyable to you non-Harry Potter reading heathens. If you're a Harry Potter fan, you'll get a kick out of all of the references (Mount Unpleasant anyone?) and giggle over the way the characters subvert standard chosen one tropes and the delicious evil:

"What happened to Sergio?" Archie asked, frowning. "Was he fired?"
"It did involve fire, yes," Louise answered without taking her eyes off Ewan.

Dear Victoria Schwab,

      I must confess, before reading TABB (hehe) I had no idea who you were. I might have seen the cover for The Archived floating around the blogosphere, but it never occurred to me to actually click on the book and read it. I blame this on my younger, immature self.

Since reading TABB, I've reformed and seen the error of my ways. Your lyrical, fairy tale-like prose was magical, the amount of characterization you crammed into 61 pages was phenomenal, and the ending had me like

Verdict